Fine balance between family and prospecting.

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Post  toshtony on Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:37 pm

Tell your mate to turn his finds into some jewelry for the Mrs and i'll bet he'll be allowed to go more often.
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Post  Bullet on Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:41 pm

Sparkly trinkets work wonders, especially the diamond and ruby kind. Believe me, it works and so will you payin for them. lol!
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Post  Guest on Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:49 pm

Feed a fever, starve a cold. Just make sure you know the difference!

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Post  Bullet on Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:00 am

They call it LOVE ! I love you
I call it stayin broke and workin ya guts out. pale
Call me a miserable sod for saying this, but been there done that and got wise real quick. Laughing
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Post  Guest on Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:23 pm

Bought my wife a stack of things after i sold a few ounces of alluvial,but it still dosent work scratch
New matteress,curtains and a laptop...but she still cant see any value in gold detecting. Rolling Eyes
I think women love men....love to try to control us! Razz

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Post  Guest on Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:01 pm

Breeder! Razz Razz Razz

lol! lol! lol! lol!


Pete in WA

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Post  Bullet on Thu Oct 20, 2011 9:15 pm

Glad ya found it funny Pete Very Happy and it winds them up everytime I say it. I just wish there was a pub close to work so I could go and have a celebratory drink when I see the smoke and flames comin outa there ears and mouths, ya just gotta be there to see it.
you've never seen so many angry women in the one place at one time lol!
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Post  Guest on Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:46 am


Gday

It sounds as though your friend is in a no win situation for the moment, I was in a similar situation some years back and had a partner who never seemed satisfied with anything I did, long story short, in the end we separated and I eventually met another lady that encourages me to go and do my thing in the bush.

She understands the value of being able to have a life apart from eachother as well as the importance of having a solid relationship together, she likes her time and space as well as I do, and she understands the passion I have for detecting and being in the bush just as I am supportive of the things she is passionate about in her work etc.

Its a much harder thing when there are young kids involved, as your friends wife is left home to do everything while your friend is away, as she would think hes out having a good time holidaying with his mates, so you can understand why she doesnt share his passion, with my ex I used to tell her to go away say to her mums or a friends for the weekend or whatever and I stayed put and looked after the kids to give her a break as well.

The reality is he has to try and find a solution that suits both of them and there are going to have to be some trade offs, if he doesnt find a way to make her happy as well he is going to find himself single again, and his problems will only be compounded when all the issues about access to the kids, child support, etc etc and it goes on, if he has to shelf his passion for the gold for a few more years until the kids are older then thats what he might have to do.

Such is the power and allure of gold, if you let it get to you it can easily pull your life apart and change your way of thinking to the point where everything else can become secondary, even your family.

cheers

stayyerAU

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Post  CostasDee on Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:13 am

Very wise and true words StayerAU. I know he realises this and is willing although not at all happy about, shelfing his passion for a quite a while until he is able to do it without any consequence. He's been pretty much doing that up to now anyway. If kids weren't involved, I recon maybe he might have done something more drastic, but it's not an option for him as things are. He always has and always will put his family ahead of everything else, but there should be a balance where he takes care of the family like he does and is able to enjoy a little of his passion as well.

His missus sounds very similar to your first missus unfortunately for him. His problem is I think that his missus doesn't really have any hobbies or passions, so I'm not sure if it's a jealousy thing that he's got a passion outside the family circle and she does not. Her interest seem to be the costly ones like holidays to Fiji resorts and trips to Qld, all of which are way beyond their budget. Doesn't seem to have too many girl friends (doesn't get on with my missus at all) and doesn't get on too well with her mum either, if I remember right.

I told him of Kon61's advice to tell her how much it means to him to go out a little so we'll see if anything eventuates out of that.

Best case scenario, he gets to go out a little more every now and then, worst case he just has to grin and bear it and bite his time until the kids are all grown up and he gets to go out more...



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Post  Guest on Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:21 am

The reality is he has to try and find a solution that suits both of them and there are going to have to be some trade offs, if he doesnt find a way to make her happy as well he is going to find himself single again, and his problems will only be compounded when all the issues about access to the kids, child support, etc etc and it goes on, if he has to shelf his passion for the gold for a few more years until the kids are older then thats what he might have to do.


para phrased your reply StayerAU and its exactly what I said originally but with CD's follow up I cant see a positive outcome unless his wife an he sits down with a councillor and she sees the light !!

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Post  Guest on Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:03 pm


Gday

That was also one of the issues with my ex she didnt have any particular interest or hobbies, and that I feel made her a bit jealous also, I tried to counter that with her by saying she should get into something so she could have taken time out to do her thing while I looked after the kids.

Definatley your friend should go and see a councillor with his wife, sometimes its much easier to lay all your cards on the table when you have someone to mediate, that way it doesn't deteriorate into a slanging match, and you just end up arguing to the same end each time without any of the issues actually being solved.

Once he gets into her mindset and she has the opportunity to air her grievences about what he wants to do it may be that they will both be able to more easily see each others point of view and be able to come to some kind of mutually beneficial arrangement, tit for tat, so to speak, perhaps where your friend can barter some time in the bush for doing something she wants to do in return.

He has to remember that it takes two to tango, and his wife didnt have the children on her own, so he is as equally as responsible as she is for the care and wellbeing of the children, I wouldnt mind betting that this is a sore point already as she most likely feels that she is left holding the bag for most of the time, I used to love spending time with just myself and my kids, it really gives you some quality bonding time with them and also makes them comfortable to be with you or your wife, this time with them as small children has been the reason why they are still so close to me as young adults.

You only get the opportunity in life to do this once with your children, they grow and change so quickly it will leave you wondering what happened, if like me you end up seperated and you dont have your children living with you all the time, you will definately miss out on lots of things that happen in their lives, if you bond with them very early in life no matter what happens in later years that bond will carry on regardless.

cheers

stayyerAU


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Post  AUgirl on Mon Oct 24, 2011 9:30 am

Seems to me that the wife may get a bit bored while your mate is off detecting eh and doesn't see the value of the our hobby?? Well may I suggest that you mention the positive sides to what we do...ie: we aren't at the pub boozing on all the time, or floozing around with wild women (or men in my case), not punting the ponies or playing the pokies! Instead we are out in the bush trying to find gold to get a little further ahead....and it will pay off one day. I'm sure!!!
Take the kids and wife, pack a picnic....get them to take books, knitting, laptops and (a good idea) a camera, to develop an interest in photography. There are plenty of things to do if ya think about it. Get the kids interested in the outdoors and it will be the making of them. Get them interested in detecting and your mates life will be a lot easier!
I can't think of a better place to be....clean fresh air, nature in abundance, peace and quiet, no computers, TV's, or phones! Heaven!!
I would also make a deal...any gold we find will pay for an awesome family holiday to Fiji or the like! Maybe your mate should get his wife a detector??? Just a suggestion...lol
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Post  nuggetninja69 on Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:06 pm

This makes me feel very blessed. My wife got the gold bug at the same time I did. She and my little ones are very proud of me when I come back from a day out prospecting whether I find gold or not, she even sits for hours watching JP's dvds with me and gets as exited as I do. It helps that I can detect in the bushland behind our house and find nuggets there, she could hear me yelling out when I found my first nugget... cheers
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Post  Queenslander on Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:56 pm

I can't think of a better place to be....clean fresh air, nature in abundance, peace and quiet, no computers, TV's, or phones! Heaven!!

Good response AU girl, I could't agree more, but I stole one of your lines ( sorry ) a lot of women and men find the above line very alien to them and going out bush scares the hell out of them. They would rather stay in doors or spend all there time in the big cities, fancy resturants, night clubs, the list goes on. I have found from my own experience with marriage, you can have kids my case 3 and raise them together which is fine, but if you deep down don't have the same common interests, goals and beliefs, in the long run it will catch up with the marriage and the marriage will suffer and ultimetly fail.

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Post  AUgirl on Wed Oct 26, 2011 7:05 am

Queenslander wrote:I can't think of a better place to be....clean fresh air, nature in abundance, peace and quiet, no computers, TV's, or phones! Heaven!!

Good response AU girl, I could't agree more, but I stole one of your lines ( sorry ) a lot of women and men find the above line very alien to them and going out bush scares the hell out of them. They would rather stay in doors or spend all there time in the big cities, fancy resturants, night clubs, the list goes on. I have found from my own experience with marriage, you can have kids my case 3 and raise them together which is fine, but if you deep down don't have the same common interests, goals and beliefs, in the long run it will catch up with the marriage and the marriage will suffer and ultimetly fail.

Yeah you are right Queenslander. I think marriage is about give and take on both sides and about finding that common ground and sharing the other persons interests whether you like it or not. I believe life is more about WHO you share it with rather than what you do or where you go. If you love someone it shouldn't matter what you do, but more importantly that you spend time with them. My Dad is a great example....I used to follow him around everywhere, not because I was interested in what he was doing, but because I just wanted to spend time with him.
The main point about relationships is that it takes a lot of communication, effort and work to make a success of it (much easier said than done of course)...and this is an on-going thing. Mr StayyerAu has some very valid points in his comment about the effort required....!
I wish them the best of luck and hope they can work out a solution for a positive outcome!!
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Post  stylusmobilus on Sun Oct 30, 2011 6:53 pm

nuggetninja69 wrote:This makes me feel very blessed. My wife got the gold bug at the same time I did. She and my little ones are very proud of me when I come back from a day out prospecting whether I find gold or not, she even sits for hours watching JP's dvds with me and gets as exited as I do. It helps that I can detect in the bushland behind our house and find nuggets there, she could hear me yelling out when I found my first nugget... cheers

This is the situation I'm in. She's cracking the ornamental rocks in the garden. She's got it worse than I do.

This is a hard one. I'd say he is probably better off devoting his time to getting the kids brought up, then once that's done he can turn his attention to his hobby. And I'd be quick to tell her to bugger off as well, once the family has been taken care of. I am very grateful my partner is as keen as I am, and even more grateful we live on top of one of the best goldfields in the country.

Good luck to him, and onya for sticking up for your mate.
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