Fine balance between family and prospecting.

Got a good mate, who loves to go out prospecting and enjoys be out there in the bush and gets real excited when he finds a piece of gold that nobody ever has ever found (like us all). Trouble is his missus has absolutely zero interest in his hobby and doesn't share his passion or understand his desire to go out bush. No problem as not everyone has a passion for this great hobby and even though many would probably like this hobby to be a family activity, most of the time it's enjoyed it with our mates.

Now the bloke has 3 young kids that are too young to tag along, so he can't use the excuse that his spending quality time with one or two of them. Now he's the only breadwinner at the moment, not that he makes heaps, but he makes just enough to cover the bills, put food on the table and most of the time cover the morgage payments. Doesn't make enough extra to take the family to Fiji or Noosa or somewhere real nice so his missus gives this poor bloke a hard time, that he can afford to go bush alone, but not take the family somewhere nice. He argues that when he goes bush he does it as cheap as possible but taking the family (all 5) on a holiday is going to cost in the thousands - way more than he can come up with. So he does little local trips to the beach or the park with them and spends time with them as a good dad should do, he changes the little ones nappies and does the school runs when he's not at work, does what he can and puts his family 1st. Problem he's got though is he gets bugger all time to go for a swing with me and our group and when he says to his missus that his mates are going out for a week of swinging and he would love to go, even for 1 or 2 days, he gets the "how can we afford this?" & "why don't you get a hobby that involves all of your family?" & "you don't have the time cause there's so many things to do around the house" etc etc etc arguements.

I'm a little lost in what to tell him as he's really busting to go out more than the one day every couple of months that he manages to somehow get away. His busting to go out more, but doesn't want to start having D&Ms with his missus or rocking the boat. Funny thing is, some wives can be supportive and encourage their bloke to go out, others are indifferent that say go if you want to and then there's the ones that will look for any excuse to stop their bloke from going.

So anybody here have a similar situation to my mates, that has got around it somehow and gotten an outcome that leaves everyone happy? I've run out of things to tell him and every thouigh every situation is different, maybe one or two pointers might come out that could help him...

he has to look at what he could loose !!! his marriage--- his life partner -- his kids -- his everything im assuming he is only in his 30s? Family is first /second and third !! theres no getting away from it so he needs to put away his longings for a few short years --we all know how we blinked and our children were all grown up !! the health of his kids ,the love of his wife are the gold nuggets he will throw away if hes not careful so the old line is very true " A happy wife ,a happy life"

"A happy wife,a happy life"

That is the biggest un-truth I have ever heard! It is impossible to keep a woman happy.

I have the same problem with my wife. The fever went away for a few years,only showing itself breifly when i spied a Gold,Gem and Treasure mag at the newsagents.
I dont have kids but my wife has this thing about me going out for a weekend with a mate or two detecting. When I take her out bush,I get the feeling she is bored. Then when it comes around for the next trip away,she makes excuses as to why we should go somewhere pointless and do the touristy thing.
Am I being selfish? Maybe.....

Murachu, I can see that he puts everything he can into his relationship and puts his family first. He basically does everything his missus asks for and much more. He puts his family first before everything else so where's the harm in his missus giving a pat on the back and saying "take some time off" every now and then? She shouldn't complain about him taking a couple of days off every now and then and having some boy time with his mates and his detector. I just can see that the guy isn't happy inside and it wouldn't take much to change that. From what I know, he works his butt off at work and at home and fair dinkum, I've never heard his missus say "thank you" to him for pretty much anything. I called around for a cuppa after he came back from work one day last week, and he's eating fried eggs with spam that he's prepared himself for dinner, whilst his missus is watching some crap on tv and saying how busy her day's been. I recon he goes beyond what the acceptable norm is, but I recon Gus might be right, maybe it's impossible to keep a woman happy (definately with his missus anyway).

I've always said (as a joke of course ....) that brownie points have the life expectancy of a piece of shushi. If you don't use them within 15 minutes, they turn to crap....

CostasDee wrote:Murachu, I can see that he puts everything he can into his relationship and puts his family first. He basically does everything his missus asks for and much more. He puts his family first before everything else so where's the harm in his missus giving a pat on the back and saying "take some time off" every now and then? She shouldn't complain about him taking a couple of days off every now and then and having some boy time with his mates and his detector. I just can see that the guy isn't happy inside and it wouldn't take much to change that. From what I know, he works his butt off at work and at home and fair dinkum, I've never heard his missus say "thank you" to him for pretty much anything. I called around for a cuppa after he came back from work one day last week, and he's eating fried eggs with spam that he's prepared himself for dinner, whilst his missus is watching some crap on tv and saying how busy her day's been. I recon he goes beyond what the acceptable norm is, but I recon Gus might be right, maybe it's impossible to keep a woman happy (definately with his missus anyway).

I've always said (as a joke of course ....) that brownie points have the life expectancy of a piece of shushi. If you don't use them within 15 minutes, they turn to crap....

Now that you have given MORE of the story I couldnt agree more with you !! shes a lazy selfish bitch!! it thats the case and your right there is no keeping them happy in a case like this !! I do feel for the man

it makes you realize how lucky those of us are that have mates
who not only understand the need to get into the open spaces
but actually encourage it.
I am one of the lucky ones and I never take it for granted.

hope he get's it worked out somehow...

G'day Gents.

Give and take,that's what I believe keeps people together.No one falls above or bellow this law.If one only prefers to take in life,then their partners must be prepared not only to sacrifice but be the slave of the other also and we all know that this just ain't right.There are many people out there,for what ever reason,who don't or aren't prepared to sit down and talk reason (as I put it) with their partners.Just like we have pow wows with our mates,sit down with the missus and discuss your feelings with one another.Let one another know what brings you joy and makes you feel alive and stop holding back your true emotions.Not much good just discussing them with your mates.Unless you've got a trust issue(which will also need to be dealt with) sit your selves down and talk with your true partners.I'm sure you'll find a compromise for time out and time away from one another.This I find essential towards creating a longer stronger bond towards each other, instead of being up each others throats 24/7 over the most minutest of problems,life dishes out.

Cheerskon61.

My Darling Wife said that I was born 150 years to late, as my passion for gold prospecting is a life in it's self. This is the reason for us moving to Maryborough, to give into my passion, self greed, Yes I got to agree. All my kids now are off our hands and that gives us time to do what we want to do. My wife's passion is sewing so she can do that any were. I'm retired now and on a Pension so to put a few extra copper in the pocket I have to fine gold. Just today my Wife said " Why don't we go to Cananda for our 30th. Wedding Anniversary" well lovey I'll have to go out and find some more gold to do that But don't get me wrong there is a trade off, my wife loves the sea and she like to holiday down at the beach's a long the coast. Gee I love fishing as well What a live Gold and fishing. But I could not do this years ago "Family Came FIRST" work, work ,work.
Wombat

Hi Costas Dee,
Unfortunately we see so many broken families these days, and some very hurt kids as a result of it.
Marriage is union of 2 people, to be politically correct didn't say man and woman on a purpose.
Well i see it like this: everything in life is like scale, it has to balance.If you take too much scale goes on one side, if you give to much scale goes on other side.
Have to be prepared to give and take.If you only take you don't respect or love other person and that will not go for a long time.If you always give that might bother you and it will not go for long time either.
If other person loves you and see that you love something a lot but on other hand you put your 110% in marriage then this topic shouldnt be here.
I can see some red signs on my dashboard.If i keep driving my car will die.
Don:t ignore red signs they are hazard.
Wish your mate all the best i am sure lot of us can associate with similar problems in life and unfortunately there are no easy answers.
Cheers

This post reminds me of a conversation i had with a work freind maybe 15 years ago! He was telling me he liked to go Deer Hunting, he is married with three children.
I guess he was aloud to go a few weekends, i guess he went here and there for a while. His Wife and young children did not attend, after a while this was causing trouble in their family. So the Minster of War & finance, (handbrake) Laid down the law! As of this day forth all hunting camping and weekends away with your mates are to cease or else she would leave taking the House and kids and demanding maint payments etc. A silent tear was shed by my mate, he then sold his gun and camp gear, he is still married today, i guess he has been married 30 years, his three children have all grown up and left with their own jobs, house & families! My friend said his wife said hunting was a selfish hobby.
In our conversation years ago he told me gold prospecting is a selfish hobby! At the time i did not know what to make of it? I am now 43 never been married, have my own home and freedom to go prospecting when time off work allows!
I have not met many succesful married gold prospectors, at a guess 85% of prospectors would be single in Australia? To be succesful in gold prospecting takes a huge investment in time & devotion. Outside of working a regular job that pays the bills their is very little time left to devote to it and a family!
I recall some rather rude and insulting comments from a women i was chasing some years ago! She thought that all gold prospectors were dead set loosers, she insulted me by asking, is gold prospecting a progression from can collecting? Since that day many years ago an absoulte fortune has been found by recreational gold prospectors! More money than would she could earn in a life time, i am having the last laugh!
I guess being a commited relationship would make things hard if you were to spend all your own time off work going away gold prospecting, it is a choice many will some day have to choose your family or the gold!

I had an ex wife like that, but how lucky I am today... I have Mrs who is very different to me, but she lets me be me.

She comes to the bush, walks, smiles, nodds, & all it costs me is to hold hands in public!!

Hi All
Bring up those kids ,make sure they get a good education,They grow up quick,Then run away like we did.Plenty of time for detecting and real quality time when we see them
Cheers Dig

Hard call if the kids are only a couple of years old, the wife puts up with a lot of### not to mention the emotional side to the story!
If the kids are 5 ish, tell him to dump her and find someone better? The old story "The right woman can make you, The wrong woman can brake you".
My eldest son has too many mates who are totally under the thumb by their partners!

I agree with a lot of the comments. There has to be give and take in a relationship but if ya tangled up with a partner who is all TAKE and doesn't know the meaning of GIVE, then I'd bail out very quick coz nothing will save the relationship.
Do I know what I'm talking about, sure do.

Yep. Maternal instinct versus reality!

I'm not sure about the maternal instinct, every relationship would have it's own peculiarities and there are people who are just in it for what they can get personally. If children are involved, then it gets difficult.

That was the Maternal instinct! Why does one end up in the Maternity ward?

Depends on the person, some could be the "NASTY" instinct.

or Basic Instinct! that was a good movie!....... Motive is the problem?

it is hard when you have a young family. i'm lucky now as i can take the young fella out with me as my older boy is at school... how time flys. my wife does get a bit shirty if the house isn't cleaned enough and i had a day pland to go out for a swing, then it hits the fan... i'll stay back do what has to be done and then head out... best thing about daylight savings... i mostly wait until friday then saturday and sometime on a sunday.. if i get out in the week it's a bonus. you just have to make try to make time for this hobby i think.
cheers
stoppsy

Basic Instinct in slow motion, that was an excellent sight. Woo Hoo

I know this bloke and he would put his family, wife and kids before anything else. He has up to now and I can't see him changing anytime soon. If it means he doesn't have his own space for a few years, he'll cop it, just to keep the peace. It's just that I recon there can be a balance between all things and if he goes out every now and then, I don't think life at home should become hell. Anyway I recon Kon61 is quite right and my advice to him will be to go tell his missus what he's been telling me. Although he's told her that he would like to go out with the group, I recon he's been holding back telling her what it really means to him to go out every now and then. I recon everyone needs just a little space to themselves.

Personaly though, I'm glad I'm not the one having the conversation with her. I've been hinting at him for years that he just lets her get the upper hand all the time and now I think he's starting to see the consequence of that action. If he cant fix the problem, I'll just not tell him so often of when I'm going out, so he doesn't get too upset about what he's missing out on.
Still enjoy a beer with him though..

It's called "Personal Space" for a reason, a damn good reason. Ya gotta keep ya sanity and sounds like this poor guy will lose his sanity if he's not careful.

Sharron Stone! Gee did she get old quick? How fond memories can be clouded!
CostasDee, as a general rule, us guy's don't go out of our way to change our partner!

My wife was like this. She's doing it because she's unhappy too. I got mine a hobby. (easier said than done) made sure my weekends at home were 'Quality family time' worked on our 'communication' skills. Things got better and better over time. I discovered a huge secret. Make sure the washing up is done EVERY night. In our house she cooks and I wash up. When I do it we seem to be fine. When I don't do it she wakes up to the mess and her day doesn't get any better. Depression sets in. That's just the way she's wired. I hate it with a passion and I don't give a rats if theres a bunch of cups on the sink for an extra day but I do it because it makes a massive difference to her.

Currently I'm doing 1 weekend per month prospecting but that's just because the kids are so young. When they are old enough to be embarrassed about spending heaps of time with dad on the weekend I'll be able to get out more.

I wish your mate all the best.
Dicko..

Here's an old trick that works for a little while. It's called the "Green eyed Monster". It never ceased to amaze me how I got appreciated when another woman took interest in me. I was flattered naturally that another chicky babe flirted with me but it did the trick for a while.
and yes, Sharon Stone did get old, just like the rest of us, bummer.

She did have a nice bummer! not sure I want to see it anymore? OK yes I do! Just to make sure!!!

CostasDee: It's up to your mate? to know if he's getting railroaded. if he's over 30 you can only hope he gets over his, I want to be my own person thing, quickly?
And do something about it.

I think Sharon Stone might be a better subject to talk about regardless of her age. I reckon she is still a spunk for 93 yrs old.
Saggy bottom and all.

Slap, Slap. Bullet you need a blow up doll that says, I'm 20, I'm 20! You'll be after the queen next Sharon Stone an't no 93, may be a 69 or 181?

Shame on me and shame on you for suggesting a blow up doll
I tell the women at work, when I retire I'm going to the Phillipines to get a breeder
Does it ever get them wound up and the argument is on for young and old, I love it